Cold Hard Bitch Blonde Ale, Beer Making Extract Kit

Your lawn stretches before you like the endless Sahara and your mower rattles your bones while the dust settles on your tongue and the sun bakes your brain like a blast furnace, and as you make that final pass, you are ready for a cold one-but not some typical "lawnmower" beer, because let's face it-most lawnmower beers are served with a side dish of sissypants. No, you want a real beer that's golden, crisp, clean and drinkable but has enough hop flavor and bitterness to kick your ass into next week! Well, do you realize that this brew has FIVE HUNDRED PERCENT more hoppiness than your regular lawnmover beer? Damn right, and that's the point! It's one hundred degrees, man, and you want a beer with big hops that you can chill so damned cold that it will make your fillings ache as a precursor to a brain-freeze so epic that your eyes will roll into the back of your head, the mosquito feeding upon your scalp will infarct, and you'll release a sigh so pleasurable that the karmic imbalance will cause a planetary misalignment! For a demonstration, serve this beer to your weenie neighbor drinking his "Schlub Light" and watch him scream, "Oh, that's a bitch!" and go cry to mama. In a world of beer-weenies, having good taste is a tremendous burden, so serve it hard, and serve it cold!